The Great Greenthroat’s Final Curtain - Pt. 1 

It was a dark and stormy evening. Billowing dark clouds thundered over the heads of many citizens of London, threatening to open up and pour at any second. It was a bad night to be out, and yet many London citizens were lined around the block outside of the Royal Opera House, including Thaddeus J. Hedwater and his wife Mary Jane.

“It’s a perfectly dreadful day for an opera, isn’t it?” Thaddeus said grimly, holding his hand out in hopes the rain would fall. He’d been quite vocal about his dislike about the opera at this point, which had been getting under his wife’s skin.

“You should get out of the lab and absorb a bit of the local culture, dear.” Mary Jane advised. “Who knows? You may actually enjoy yourself.”

“Perhaps at some other cultural events, but not the opera,” Thaddeus stuck out his tongue. “Everyone just sings what they’re doing the whole time.” To Mary Jane, and the audience’s surprise, Thaddeus broke into song, trilling “I woke up, and got out of bed and changed out of my paaaajaaaaamas! Now I’m sitting down at breakfast and eating my grapefruiiiiiit!”

“I wish you would quit that dear.” Mary Jane said plainly.

“Whyyyyy am Iiiiii embarrassing youuuuuuu!?”

“No,” Mary Jane replied. “Your singing voice is terrible.”   

Monstrosity Returns - Pt. 24

A moment later The Scarlet Derby and Midnight Jay returned up the chair to meet up with The Constable.

“I thought that Silas would be with you…” The Constable said, taking a puff of his pipe.

“No, I’m afraid he overpowered us and escaped.” The Jay explained. “We were hoping that, with your men surrounding the manor that you would have caught him.”

“That didn’t happen either. It’s a real shame, how he does such despicable things and always manages to get away with it.” The Constable paused as he turned his pipe upside down and clapped the burnt embers onto the walkway beneath his feet. “You must at least be happy that this law of his will soon be repealed, though.”

“Indeed we are, Constable.” The Derby affirmed. “Doubtless we’ll catch up to that repulsive reprobate sooner or later.”

“How soon do you suppose?” The Constable asked.

“If not in fifteen minutes than by next month.” The Jay said coyly.


Monstrosity Returns - pt. 23

There was silence besides the shuffling of police officers feet as the Constable’s division returned upstairs. Once they were out of earshot of the law, the Jay asked. “Why didn’t you tell him the truth, Silas? He would have taken our word as a witness.”

Silas’ crooked smile widened a bit “While I admit, my sister surprised me with her scheme, she’s no hardened criminal like I am. Her place is here in the nice cozy aristocracy.”

“You’re a strange one, brother.” The duchess said, holding her tattered gloved hand over a particularly tender part of her cheek.

“I suppose so.” Silas mused.

“All the same,” The Derby interjected “You’ll now be going to jail for her crime, in addition to all of your own.”

“Oh, I didn’t say I was staying. I’ve already picked the lock on the cuffs.” Silas said. Everyone heard a clatter as Silas dropped the length of chain and brought his hands forward to rub his tender wrists. “Wilomena, may you show me an exit?”

“Gladly.” The Duchess walked over to a bookshelf. Swinging it open like a doorway, she revealed a tunnel which led underground to who knows where.

“You know as lawmen ourselves we can’t permit this, Silas!” The Derby declared.

“Come along, Dear. One good turn and all that…” The Jay coaxed.

“Oh very well…You get a fifteen minute head start.” The Derby relented

“You won’t regret this, Derby.” Silas said as he dashed down the dark corridor.

“You have no idea what I’d regret.” The Derby said in a bewildered tone. 

Monstrosity Returns - Pt. 22

Suddenly, there was a thud on the door. A voice from the hallway called out “Open up! It’s the police!” The Derby and Silas looked at one another, wondering exactly what to do, but before they could act, a thud and a smash leveled the door. The police piled down the stairs in some sort of comedic menagerie. By this time, the Jay had finished her ruckus with the Duchess and was standing, out of breath, over her royally befuddled person.

“Stand aside! Stand aside!” A voice called from the back of the police pile. Working his way past what seemed to be every single man in his division was Chief Constable O’Gratin. When he reached the bottom, he looked at the scene and clicked his tongue. “Well, I guess I would have been a fool not to assume it would come to this. Men, arrest The Derby and The Jay.”

“Wait!” Silas spoke up. “The Derby and Jay are not at fault. This was all my scheme.”

The constable was aghast. “Silas Monstrosity, are you actually confessing to a crime?”

“I’m afraid so,” Silas gave a crooked smile and a shrug. “I forged the birth papers, and I coerced The Duchess into posing as my sister so I could trap my arch enemies and have them put behind bars.”

“I see, but still: why confess when the whole scheme would have worked?”

“I was hoping that all this would succeed without The Duchess being hurt. Now that she has, well, it’s just not cricket.” Silas affirmed. His lying was obviously being put to good practice at this point.

The Constable nodded in understanding. “Well, I’d anticipated this as well. Trevor, bring the large cuffs.”

Seeing nothing else to do in the moment, The Derby and Jay helped pull The Duchess’ ample body off of the floor. Surrounded by cops, they watched as an officer wrapped Silas’ massive wrists in heavy chains, clapping the mass shut with a large padlock.

“Do me just one favor, Constable.” Silas said pleasantly. “I’d like just a few moments with The Duchess to apologize.”

“You have me at a soft moment Monstrosity….” The Constible affirmed. “All-right, but we’ll have the place surrounded in case you try anything funny.” 

Monstrosity Returns - Pt. 21

The Jay stood up, her hands balled into fists making a bee-line towards the offending duchess. “Carve me off a slice of that, Silas!” She lunged for the Duchess and as soon as the two were fighting, Silas had let go of her sister’s hands and casually strolled over to stand at the side of the Derby.

“She certainly can be vengeful at times.” The Derby said, as he dusted off the lapels of his outfit.

Silas replied. “Yes, but I’m glad she is here. Otherwise I may have had to resort to hitting a lady.”

“You mean that’s actually a concern for you?” The Derby said, a bit of snide prying in his voice.

“Of course it is,” Silas scoffed, and straightened his lapels. “I may be the villain du jour in this city, but I do have standards. I hope that, should I actually accomplish my ends, I could actually run London with a sense of…benevolence.”

“Oh sure, your methods tend to just reek of sense.” The Derby replied sarcastically.

The two sat in, if it weren’t for the struggle between The Jay and the duchess in the background, would have been total silence. After a few moments Silas spoke up again. “You…Have a very rigid sense of right and worng, don’t you, Derby?”

“I take pride in it.” The Derby said donfidently.

“I’d be a bit more careful about that, if I were you.” Silas replied.

“Why is that?” The Derby asked.

“I am the exact same way.” 

Monstrosity Returns - Pt. 20

Needless to say, the once and future most reviled villain in all of London suddenly found himself at a complete moral standstill. After all the potential to be recognized for his royal blood and the right to rule over a significant part of her majesty’s land was honestly what he’d hoped for all along. The pair of do-gooders who always thwarted him were naturally going to talk him out of it, and by the end put him in the same place as he was before.

He glanced up, startled at the sight of his sister fitting a pair of brass knuckles. She was ready to swing her armored fist into The Derby’s temple when Silas met her fist with an open palm, stopping her assault. “Sorry, Sis, but I’m afraid they’re right: I can’t let you do this.”

“You’re a hypocrite for helping them.” The Duchess said venomously, struggling to get her hands free of her brother’s brawny grip.

“I am not!” Silas chided. “You’re not improving on my methods. You’re not sharing the rule. You’ve been coercing me and stealing my plans so you can have dominion of London to yourself. I’m not keen on being your secondary ruler, especially when I’m dressed like this.”

As the two continued to argue, The Derby and Jay were left tied to a pair of chairs fallen sideways. The Derby glanced in the direction of the squabbling and groaned. “They’re certainly a spirited pair of youngsters, aren’t they?”

“One wonders where their parents are in all of this.” The Jay rolled her eyes.

“So, I assume you almost have us out of this.” The Derby stated.

“You assume right,” The Jay replied. “I’ve managed to slowly budge my umbrella to my side with my fingertips, and I’m currently using the switch blade in the hilt to saw away at the rope.”

“Aren’t you glad I suggested that switchblade?” The Derby said with a hint of gloating in his tone.

“Later, dear.” The Jay said sternly as she flexed her shoulders, popping the ropes loose. 

Monstrosity Returns - Pt. 19

Suddenly, The Jay tipped over, landing on her side. She yelped, not expecting the fall. She looked back at her husband. “What was that?”

“Sorry, dear. I had to tilt us on our side to prevent her from unmasking you.” The Derby replied.

“That’s all well and good, but I’m afraid I have little practice escaping from this position.” The Jay sighed.

The Duchess clicked her tongue at the duo. “Just Look at the two of you, rebellious to the very end. Even if you were loose of those ropes, we’re all locked in this room until the police arrive, and I’ve already overpowered you once.”

“I think she has us there.” The Derby said worriedly.

“Not quite.” The Jay replied. Twisting her head as far as it would turn in the other direction. “Silas, what are you waiting for? Help us out of these ropes so we can thwart The Duchess.”

“I can’t,” Silas said, a strange look of fear crossed his deformed face. “I can’t go back on my end of the deal.”

“The deal has been altered,” The Jay replied. “I know you want us out of the way, but it can’t be like this. If you don’t act now, she will turn your beloved London into a self-serving police state.  So go on, stand up to your big sister!”

“Don’t listen to her, Silas!” The Duchess shouted back. “The outside world thinks you’re nothing but a villain and a monster. Give me my way and you’ll be a respected citizen by my side.” 

Monstrosity Returns - Pt. 18


The Derby awoke to the familiar smell of Ammonium Carbonate being waved right under his nose. He jumped awake, and felt a downward tug on his lapels, giving him the familiar sensation of being tied up. Turning his head to the side he saw his wife’s shoulder and concluded they were tied back-to-back seated in a pair of simple wooden chairs. Once his vision was able to focus he saw Silas Monstrosity.

“Silas, you recalcitrant cheater,” The Derby erupted “I knew you’d spring like a viper the very moment we let our guard down, and to think I almost believed I could trust you!”

“We can trust him dear.” The Jay replied. “He’s not the one who assaulted us.”

“He’s not? But…who did?”

“I was.” The voice was booming yet feminine. The Derby had only heard it once before, and indeed once she came into view, he was certain.

 “The Duchess of Nodont…” He sneered. “It didn’t take at all long for you to fall into familial habits.”  

“Don’t mistake me for my faint-hearted brother, Hero.” The Duchess reached a plump hand to stroke along the bottom of The Derby’s chin. “He kept the two of you in fighting condition simply because he considered you his rivals. I on the other hand, am going to make sure you’re permanently eliminated.”

“But what do you gain from….putting us out of the way?” The Jay asked.

“I have everything to gain!” The Duchess chortled as she stepped back and unfurled a silk fan, demurely covering her face. “Once my anti-vigilante law is passed by Parliament, the royal court of Nodont will receive jurisdiction over all of London and the police force. I will become the second most powerful arm of the entire British monarchy.”

“And all the while you’ll be arresting superheroes to keep citizens from opposing your power.” The Jay said coldly. 

“Rally, dear, you should be thanking me. Now you can live a life free of this mask.” The Duchess reached a hand, nearing The Jay’s face.

Monstrosity Returns - Pt. 17

Indeed, standing in the room just a couple feet from the delighted duo, dressed to the nines in sailor-trimmed Dutch fabric was their arch enemy Silas Monstrosity. His arms were crossed and a toe impatiently tapped the ground as he waited for the laughter to come to an end, which wouldn’t be soon as whenever he tapped his foot the delicate blonde curls on his head would bounce up and down.

“All right, all right,” Silas impatiently growled “I think you have gotten to the bottom of this little caper by now.”

“If we haven’t I think you’ve got some explaining to do.” The Derby chortled.

“I think, I think, Silas is referring to the fact that if this was in fact HIS crime, he certainly wouldn’t be doing it dressed like…THAT!” The Jay wailed, sending the both of them back into another fit of hysterics.

“That’s right,” Silas replied drolly “It was indeed my intention to reveal my family ties to you by slipping my own birth certificate into my criminal record. My sister, the duchess, was willing to restore my status in the court of Nodont on the condition that I become her willing servant.”

The Derby cleared his throat, sobering up significantly before saying. “Seems that your bargain has become a bit one-sided, if that’s what you’re implying.”  

“The social expectations, the menial chores, and even THIS ridiculous get-up, are all things I can manage just fine,” Silas retorted “I summoned the two of you here because an even more dastardly crime is afoot.”

“A crime that even you dislike? That must truly be diabolical.” The Jay replied.

Suddenly, The Derby and Jay felt two wide hands approach either side of their heads. The two brawny hooks wasted no time in pushing the duo’s heads together, knocking them out on impact. The room went black. 

Monstrosity Returns - Pt. 16

Not seeing anything in the parlor, the two of them rounded the corner and climbed the stairs. They heard a crash, and both looked up at the ceiling. Once the windows started to make little pindorp taps they realized it was starting to rain.

“The whole place seems empty.” The Jay concluded.

“Well, the best way to lure us into a trap would be to let us walk ourselves into a corner,” the Derby replied “care to start trying doors?”

“Sure, you take east, and I’ll take west.”

The first bedroom door snapped open. The Derby stuck his hat on the end of his long cane into the room before his head. The room was empty. He turned back to The Jay. “Have you found anything.

He saw the Jay standing in the middle of the hallway. She had one hand over her lips, and she was stifling laughter. The Derby went to her side, and upon seeing what was in the room, he cleared his throat before he began to chuckle as well.

“Is that?” he asked.

She nodded, and put her head behind his shoulder  so she could continue to hide her face as she chuckled.

“That’s…” The Darby gave a grin. “That has to be the biggest Little Lord Fauntleroy outfit I’ve ever seen.”